The Baal Teshuva Diaries

 First of all, you may be wondering why I’m not posting about the war in Israel.  This is the internet and I don’t have energy for death threats right now.  That said, I’m a deeply religious Jew. I think you can figure out where I stand.  The “hopeless” in this title refers to my crafting ability. But come to think of it, I am feeling pretty down about the state of the world. Maybe Moschiach will come tomorrow.  This week is parasha Chayei Sara. Since a well features heavily in the parasha, I decided to have my preschoolers make a well. I am truly awful at crafts and I don’t enjoy them. Which is weird for a preschool teacher, I know. So I found the least involved craft I possibly could.  I found it on Pinterest, and adapted it based on what materials I had available - it calls for popsicle sticks and a water bottle. I had a cup and toothpicks. Another reason I am hopeless at crafts is that I don't like to spend money or time preparing for them.  For in...

 It's happened.  The one thing we thought could not be possible.  I have become LESS of a balabusta than I already am.  Since having baby number two, my desire to do anything other than sleep has gone completely out the window.  But I've recently started work again.  Not the few hours a week work that most women in my community do (that sounds petty.  It's not petty.  I think they have the right idea.  There's no way to be a mom and take care of the house and work and not go insane.  I just don't have that option right now) full time work. Teaching preschoolers.  So guess what I don't feel like doing at the end of the day.  That's right, spending any time in the kitchen.   It's not that I'm even that drained.  The day goes by pretty quickly.  But when I get home I want to be with my toddler who I've missed all day. She's in the classroom right next to me but still... or my baby who I feel incredibly guilty a...

 One thing you might not know about me is my desire to be  a crunchy mom is strong.  -there was the elimination communication episode (IT WORKED OK! I get really mad about this one) * -The cloth diapers  -The replacing all the plastic in my house with glass jars  -the baby led weaning  -the baby wearing  -the breastfeeding  Success of these endeavors varies.  Then there were things that crunchy mom "should" do but I definitely don't want to:  -Skipping vaccinations (I'm pro-vaccinations don't start here)  -Honestly, after experimenting and failing, cloth diapers -co-sleeping (NO. I have enough trouble sleeping without worrying about suffocating my infant son or getting attacked by my toddler.)  Then there are the things I really want to do but can't swing, either because of expense, having to work, or being frum- (hard to be barefoot in the grass when you won't go outside without tights and closed toe shoes) like:  -eating...

 File this under: things they need to tell Baalas Teshuva when they have kids. Tottini.  I just got my daughter an entire summer wardrobe for under 45 dollars.  The best part is that she's little so she's going to be wearing these up until the weather changes, which, as we know, happens in late November these days. Cue fight about global warming... Seriously though, one day I'm going to write a book called " All the Things No One Told Me About Being Frum " and I'll offend literally everyone on the planet.   Supposing it's still around, what with all the global warming.

 My toddler has a new skill.  And it's actually a useful one! *  This morning while she was dumping out my purse, as one does, she came across an old lesson plan I no longer have use for.  It was all crumpled up.  She brought it over to me, waving, because she loves paper.  "Can you put that in the garbage?" I asked.   Miss nineteen months and not all that verbal, looked at me, ran straight into the kitchen, opened the garbage, and threw out the lesson plan.  I praised her and rewarded her with her favorite thing "Nana".  It means banana.  Jokes on my mother in law, who insisted on being called "Nanna".  If you guys had just let us make you bubbe and zaide like we wanted, this never would have happened.   Anyway, it's a big deal.  Now we have two people in the house who occasionally throw their garbage out.   This is a parenting blog now.  (*most of her skills are havoc-based) 

 Ok you're reading this blog.  You know I'm not actually illiterate.  Well, in English anyway.   I am, however, pretty close to illiterate in Hebrew.  It's not that I haven't tried.  I've spent plenty of time in Ulpan classes, trying to actually learn Hebrew.  I was exposed to Hebrew even less than most BT, because I'm not coming from a reform or conservative background- My parents were totally secular.   As it turns out, people with dyscalulia (Hi. It's me) often have trouble with learning foreign languages, which, sadly, is what Lashon kodesh is to me.   I struggle through davenning. I'm mostly able to daven shemonei esrei from memorization.  If I never offer to take a perek of tehillim, it's not because I don't care.  I literally don't know how. (Should I be admitting this in public?   probably not)  When my husband and I first got married, he was very into learning Yiddish and wanted to bring up the...

I'm a real adult now, guys.  I have a Costco membership.  We held out for awhile.  Basically, my husband and I are both very cheap and spent roughly the past year of our married life debating whether Costco would end up saving us money or losing us money.  We're also not in the best financial place right now. But we finally decided that Costco would probably save us money.  And bit the bullet.  Our family is now a card-carrying Costco family. And let it be said that I do not understand Costco at all.  Growing up, my mother was very anti-superstore.  I'm not saying I agree with this mentality. But she preferred to spend her money on very specific things.  She would have hated the idea of Costco.  Probably still does.  Maybe that's part of my fascination with places where you can get everything.  (Target, CostCo, the Pittsburgh International Airport...)  There's also something to do with scarcity.  Growing up, we were w...