Mom Guilt Everywhere

 It's happened. 

The one thing we thought could not be possible. 


I have become LESS of a balabusta than I already am. 

Since having baby number two, my desire to do anything other than sleep has gone completely out the window.  But I've recently started work again.  Not the few hours a week work that most women in my community do (that sounds petty.  It's not petty.  I think they have the right idea.  There's no way to be a mom and take care of the house and work and not go insane.  I just don't have that option right now) full time work. Teaching preschoolers.  So guess what I don't feel like doing at the end of the day.  That's right, spending any time in the kitchen.  

It's not that I'm even that drained.  The day goes by pretty quickly.  But when I get home I want to be with my toddler who I've missed all day. She's in the classroom right next to me but still... or my baby who I feel incredibly guilty about being away from.  I also want to just sit down.  Alternatively, if I have any energy left at all, I want to exercise.  My recent google searches involve: "How to exercise when your body is falling apart" and "How to lose postpartum weight when your back hurts too much to move."

Things are going great here, clearly.  

There's a silver lining.  The silver lining is that my husband, who I'm incredibly jealous of, because he gets to stay home with the baby all day, for some reason likes to cook.  So much that even when I'm feeling my best I have to "claim" kitchen duty.  

I'm not saying my husband if a balabusta, because that would imply that he ever cleaned or did laundry or organized, which, if you've seen my house, you know is not true.  But at least I don't have to cook. 

That said, I spend a lot of time beating myself up about it. 

"A frum mom should cook." "How can you possibly spend so little time in the kitchen?" "What are you feeding your kids?  You have no idea, do you?" etc. 

But honestly. At this point.  It's not happening.  

Well, I have to go get ready.  Wish me luck.

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