Leah Immeinu

I’ve always had a soft spot for Leah, our matriarch.  But today I feel like I could be Leah. I want to cry and cry until my eyes give out too. With the war in Israel I feel like my struggles are stupid. 


But  I’m so, so tired.  I’m hurt. 

Physically, I’m not doing well. 

Mentally I’m not  feeling great either. 

I know I should draw strength from Leah. Maybe tomorrow I will.


.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The ramblings of a neshama

It’s my (English calendar) birthday and I’m taking a look at how I got here.  I never, in a million years, would have predicted becoming frum.  My whole life I strongly identified as Jewish. Which was problematic. I have one Jewish parent and it’s the “wrong” one.  I was living my life, if not happily, semi-successfully. I worked as a rowing coach and coxswain, with intermittent teaching jobs- I’ll maybe write more about my sports background at some point- and dated various guys. At 26 (I think… maybe 25) there was a shooting at the Tree Of Life Synagogue in my home town of Pittsburgh. I had been very mildly Jewish until then . But suddenly, it felt like no one in my life understood me. I walked into a Conservative shul, seeking a community who instinctively understood what was probably an epigenetic fight or flight reflex. (It’s fight. This is me. It’s always fight). Let me be clear about one thing. I’ve always even drawn to the beauty in Judaism. While my family was so ...
Read more

How I Accidentally Gave Out Themed Mishlach Manos

 Hello again lovely readers. (All, from what I can tell, two of you.) My husband is at a kollel party, my baby has passed out on my lap after taking an hour-long bath, the panic of knowing I have nothing planned for my toddler students tomorrow hasn't hit me yet, and the second trimester heartburn is only moderate.  The perfect time for my Purim debrief.  One of the many things that came as a total surprise to me and my aforementioned lack of any domestic skills or inclination whatsoever, was the concept of themed Shalach Manos.  I should be clear that while shalach manos were definitely "done" in my old neighborhood and frequently quite tasty, themes were not a thing.  My inner detetective suspects this is because many people were students and while there were families with kids, the majority were childless.  What's the point of a theme if you don't have a family in themed costumes?  BH" I have a family.  We do not dress in themed costumes. ...
Read more

What is sleep even?

 I think someone gave my toddler sixteen cups of coffee.  If it was you… I’m not mad, I just want to talk.  Seriously, this child has been up since 1am screaming. We did diaper change. I tried to feed her. I’ve tried to snuggle her and put her back to sleep. Nothing works  When I tell people I have trouble with sleeping they tend to assume one of two things  1: I never sleep trained  And  2: I’m not strict enough Because I have a toddler sitting on me and several nights (weeks?) of poor sleep under my belt, im going to debunk those myths right now  1: I sleep trained . Not as early as I would’ve liked but… my husband read the APA (or whomever- one of those medical organizations) recommendations that children should sleep in the parents room until at least six months, preferably one year and got a bassinet that attached to the bed. I would’ve preferred her in her own room as soon as she didn’t need multiple feedings through the night (I had an unde...
Read more