The Baal Teshuva Diaries

 (The things, in this case, are my placenta) I spent the majority of my night last night at the hospital. This is not As dramatic as it sounds . My pregnancies tend to run this way. As in, by the third trimester things start breaking down. Truly, I wasn’t even very sick. But I had unusual cramps all Shabbos. So,Motzei Shabbos I called in to the after hours hotline and they told me to come in anyway. I then tried to convince them that while I was uncomfortable from the cramping, it didn’t feel like labor. The doctor and my husband then conspired to convince me to come into the hospital anyway, so I left my husband at home with the sleeping baby and went to the hospital. You’ll note from the fact that I left my husband at home that I was pretty sure I wasn’t in labor.  This is what counts as a vacation when you’re pregnant with a toddler at home  They ran a bunch of tests , and determined that I wasn’t in labor. Then they sent me home. At three am. I’m pretty tired . I read...

 I think someone gave my toddler sixteen cups of coffee.  If it was you… I’m not mad, I just want to talk.  Seriously, this child has been up since 1am screaming. We did diaper change. I tried to feed her. I’ve tried to snuggle her and put her back to sleep. Nothing works  When I tell people I have trouble with sleeping they tend to assume one of two things  1: I never sleep trained  And  2: I’m not strict enough Because I have a toddler sitting on me and several nights (weeks?) of poor sleep under my belt, im going to debunk those myths right now  1: I sleep trained . Not as early as I would’ve liked but… my husband read the APA (or whomever- one of those medical organizations) recommendations that children should sleep in the parents room until at least six months, preferably one year and got a bassinet that attached to the bed. I would’ve preferred her in her own room as soon as she didn’t need multiple feedings through the night (I had an unde...

Actually, my cleaning lady is wonderful all year, but especially right now. She’s worked with plenty of Jewish households so I barely had to give her any instructions at all.  She’s also been either too polite to ask or only just now realized I’m pregnant. Which, as a woman with many failings, not the least of which is vanity, endears her to me. *  Anyway, let’s compare and contrast this to some of the amazing comments I’ve gotten from my family over the past week:  “How many days do you have to sit in silence for?” (From my mother, who assumes that if I’m not answering the phone I must not be talking at all. And also has a very warped view of shabbos and yuntiff. And also may have confused Judaism with a monastic vow of silence) “When is Pes-ASH?” From my sister.  “Did they bless the kitchen?” Again, my mother who I guess thinks I paid some bochurim to bless my kitchen  It’s not a big deal,  I guess. I’m not trying to be difficult and I know my family is n...